Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg (000_hester_000) wrote,
Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg
000_hester_000

I miss fandom. But the more I think about it, the more distant I feel from it.

It's not that there aren't fannish things I want to be involved in. For one thing, I still have a number of Pokemon fics I want to write. But, you know, when I first got involved in fandom, I was a very different person than I am now. Most of the manga I used to love bore me now; instead I read scholarly nonfiction about religion in the ancient world.

There's something inherently uncomfortable, I think, about realizing something you used to care about desperately doesn't mean all that much now. Not to mention the fact that most of the things that I'm interested in now are things almost no one in fandom cares about: I wish that somewhere there was a community to discuss Zoruas and the origins of Greek religion.

Wellll . . . it's not just fandom, really. Upon the realization that, seriously, a BA in History means nothing if you're not actually going to grad school, I'm planning on going back to school for something pragmatic in logistics --- which will mean I'm going to school out-of-state for the first time in my life. I really need to go back to school if I want to, you know, have an actual career, and in all seriousness I'm looking forward to it. On the other hand, it also means I'll be cut off from my friends and family.

It's a bit uncomfortable, because I can't help but feel that I've metamorphosed away from being one thing, but haven't become something new yet.
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