Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg (000_hester_000) wrote,
Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg
000_hester_000

Hester vs Hester, round #245

If you've been on my journal for any period of time, you probably remember my whole... thing from last year, where first I was genderqueer, and then I was ftm, and then I wasn't anymore, and threw a hissy fit and became really extremely girly.

You know, I was actually just going completely the wrong direction before. I totally identify with transwomen. Don't ask me why, given that I'm as far as I know, completely biologically female, XX, etc. etc.

Except that I've always wanted to be a girl so badly, more than anything in the world, and somehow I feel like I can't; I end up getting really upset, because honestly, all I've ever really wanted in life is to be a girl. And I get really scared because I can't even figure out what it is that's supposedly "preventing" me from doing so, and also because I'm afraid that I'm never going to actually get there.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Somebody tell me how one goes about being a girl. Because I'll keep being really unhappy until I can be a girl.
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  • (no subject)

    I miss fandom. But the more I think about it, the more distant I feel from it. It's not that there aren't fannish things I want to be involved in.…

  • "Foil"

    Title: Foil Fandom: Pokémon Characters: Green, Red Rating: PG Wordcount: ~800 Warnings: None Summary: Green is sure that Red will always be a…

  • “I guess they’re just going to have to get over it.”

    (Uh, tw for rape and absolutely repulsive victim-blaming.) SO DAMN CLASSY.

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  • 17 comments

  • (no subject)

    I miss fandom. But the more I think about it, the more distant I feel from it. It's not that there aren't fannish things I want to be involved in.…

  • "Foil"

    Title: Foil Fandom: Pokémon Characters: Green, Red Rating: PG Wordcount: ~800 Warnings: None Summary: Green is sure that Red will always be a…

  • “I guess they’re just going to have to get over it.”

    (Uh, tw for rape and absolutely repulsive victim-blaming.) SO DAMN CLASSY.