Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg (000_hester_000) wrote,
Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg
000_hester_000

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I miss...



A couple of nights ago, I had a dream in which one of my aunts, who has been dead since I was 5-6 (crap, I can never remember which), turned out to have been alive in secret this whole time. And you know, it's weird, because even though she was my favorite family member (and the person who was most like me; because of this, I used to be/probably still am, subconsciously convinced that I was going to die young), I don't think I realized until then how much I missed her. Or rather, I missed her horribly when I was a kid, but since middle school on, I really didn't think about her much. I mean, it's sort of hard to keep someone in your thoughts when they no longer have any connection to your present life. And, because I am an inherently selfish bitch, the only times recently when I thought about seeing her again was when I felt like showing off how much I'd grown up since I saw her last.

Anyway, in my dream, I was home with my family, and we got a phone call. Somehow, we all instantly knew that it was important, because we all listened in to it at once. The call seemed to be a conversation between two women. It was really hard to tell exactly what was going on, because neither one was making very much sense, but we kept listening anyway. One of the women was someone I didn't know, but the other one seemed to be my aunt. The jist of their conversation seemed to be that the other woman had been in the hospital and woken up to find a dead man in her room, or possibly she was saying that she herself had killed him but didn't remember it-- like I said, it was hard to tell. Either way, as soon as the conversation was over, I got really excited, because here was this sudden revelation that my aunt was still out there somewhere.

It's interesting because, just like in the dream, irl I hadn't ever thought about the possibility that she was still alive. She was quite sick for a long time before her death, so it wasn't exactly unexpected. But now, it's driving me nuts. Pretty much the first thing I did when I woke up was construct a theory under which she could be alive. So now, if anyone asks, my auntie was a supah-sekrit agent. *Nodnod* It's completely and utterly ridiculous, of course, but it's still been bugging me.


Oh well, my therapist has said that she thinks that the fact that I had my two favorite aunts die in close proximitiy to each other is an important factor in why I'm so weird, so I guess we'll see what she says about this. It's strange that even though I think she's probably right, this is only the third dream I've ever had in my life with either of them in it, which is probably also significant.

(Don't you just hate hope, especially when you know right from the start that it's completely batshit?)
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