Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg (000_hester_000) wrote,
Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg
000_hester_000

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{And then you see the real you and realize why you didn't want to before}

I feel pretty much like a moron right now. And, uh, I think that's a good thing. It's so weird how just a couple of years can so completely change the way you look at things.

Because now I'm looking back at high school and wondering wtf I thought I was doing and why I had to spend so much of my time being so stupid. Oh, I claimed to love learning, I loved it; I loved it and was so smart. Except that-- o hai-- I spent all of my class time either reading a book, trying to figure out if I could read a book without the teacher noticing, or basically doing nothing. Every fucking day precalc was the worst hour of my life. I could never find anything to do, couldn't successfully get away with reading... I literally would just spend an hour staring into space. Never tried to actually understand what was going on so that I wouldn't be so bored. Never once.

And see, the thing is, now I find that incredibly depressing. I seriously don't know how I graduated with a C average since I really don't remember doing any homework that wasn't, like, some big massive project worth 10,000 points. Now I've gone into stodgy old person mode or something, and I'm like, Wtf dude. You were getting free education. And you did fucking nothing. (And see, the sad part is that I didn't do other things either. I went to school, then came home and watched Law and Order. That's about it.)

I don't know, it's just so weird now, looking back. I was such a dumbfuck.
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